What Do you Think Of This Beginning? Does It Make You Want To Read More?
Harry’s date, as opposed to his other dates, went pretty well. He had pointed out the mistakes he made accidentally on the last ones and encouraged himself to build up his confidence anew; it was impaired by the girls who had turned him down. Harry was positively sure nothing could ruin it this time as he’d taken precautions against everything that might. His date had improved his temper entirely that anyone that was used to his old attitude would have noticed the change in his behavior. Harry did not think for a second that his exaggerated courage could turn out to be a lethal weapon to his relationship. His parents knew that and wanted to warn him, though he was already warned, but he tended to ignore anyone who tried to admonish him.
“Harry, I know you’re in love- I acted the same when I was in your age, but maybe you take it a bit too seriously? You sound as if you’re going to marry her.” A smile cracked his face as he thought of what he’d said. “Which I’m sure you’re not…
Billy, Harry’s father, mumbled in a low voice. Harry broke him off mid-sentence and put aside the arm his father had curled around his neck to hug him.
“Oh yes I am!” Harry said, emphasizing each word. “If you think it’s not serious- you’re incorrect!” he continued in the same level of tune.
Billy started at him for a long moment, repeating the words in his mind as if he had spoken them in a foreign language. He opened his mouth to reply but Harry pushed his palms down against the mattress to get up, angling his body towards the door.
“Sit down!” Harry commanded as Harry’s butt was lifted a few inches off the sheet. “IT’S AN ORDER” he shouted, reaching out to grab his arm. His eyebrows pulled together and darkened his stare as his forehead puckered up into tiny creases that accentuated the frown lines across it.
“Never, but never ignore me. Have I made myself clear?” Billy asked, holding up a finger as if to reprove him.
“Yes, sir” Harry answered, making a military salute and looked down at the pavement that was shaded by his father’s mighty figure. He let his right leg hang off the bed, swinging back and forth while the left one was folded under his butt, and fiddled with his necklace, pretending to be listening.
“Look son” Billy began, Harry rolled his eyes, making the “whatever-you-say” expression, could not wait for his boring lecture to come to an end. “I know it’s the first time you unexpectedly enjoy dating, but ignoring your friends? Your family? I’m sure she doesn’t want you to do that too…”
I am trying to be honest here so don’t try and let it get you down too much but this is not a beginning that would make me want to read the book more. It’s not a bad passage at all, it’s just not what I would use for the start of a book, there’s not reason why with a bit of tweaking you couldn’t use it later.
Who is the main character here in this book, is it harry? I don’t think many people will find a teenage boy wanting to marry a girl from a first date relatable, it’s not very realistic, sure a teenage boy a bit obsessive with his first good date but I think marry is a little bit extreme.
Also there are a few parts that are a little bit confusing, I think you needs to proof read e.g. “”Sit down!” Harry commanded as Harry’s butt was lifted” is that meant to be “sit down” bill commanded?
Another extreme section is the way his dad reacts, it’s very OTT considering his son has done nothing wrong. If he is meant to be like that, very bad tempered then that’s fine but there needs to be more of a gradual lead in perhaps harry doesn’t listen to him or he answers back a bit ETC think of fights you have had with your parents and how they escalated.
If this story is going to be focused on harry and his date personally I would start the story with one of harry’s bad dates that you mention at the start and put this passage in somewhere later. Perhaps start it with harry in a really embarrassing situation and then go back and explain to the audience what happened over the date to cause that. The more bizarre and cringworthy the situation, the bigger the laugh factor and the more the audience will want to find out what happened.
Another way of starting the story in a way that would hook the audience in would be perhaps to start it with a fight with Harry and Bill and let the plot unfold this way.
But to me at the moment a story that started with a teenage boy wanting to marry a girl he had just met would be a book shutter it just doesn’t have that hook
Is this story I wrote a good example of irony (long)?
I wrote a paper for my junior honors English class. This is the rough draft, but we are supposed to write a story that uses irony. She, my teacher also told us to write something foreign to us. We will be reading these aloud, so dont worry about the format. Please let me know if I did this correctly, and critique it as well. Thanks!
“Dancing is a Type of Love, Love without Pain”
The answer to the question you have following such an insignificant title is the hope in one individual taking something from it.
I took a night for myself. It isn’t everyday I love a stranger. I loved her for all the wrong reasons. Right?
A brilliantly dark room occupied by music is where i want to live. Her name is unimportant, but her ferocity is bold. Much like a winter night, her intentions are cold. Behind those brown eyes lies temptation, but in front of those brown eyes I found myself.
She had beauty that set her apart from everyone else at the club. Her hair was red and flowed harmoniously to every natural curve of her body. An invigorating scent flooded my nostrils and I was impaired. I was now live bait dangling from the end of desire’s hook.
“Come here often?”, I said.
“As often as necessary.” Her voice penetrated my ears with such force that i was momentarily deaf.
I heard not her next few statements, but felt myself caught up in the voluptuous movements of her lips.
“Would you like to dance?”
I took the motion as a yes and followed after her swiftly.
She began moving. Well everything but her eyes, which were locked into my own. I know what I wanted from the start, which was beginning to look very possible. As if I needed to be seduced, she lightly grazed her beautiful body onto mine. The only thing in our way was paper thing clothing. All it did was prevent direct contact, besides, an imagination is what gets most men through much of their lives. The movement was quickly followed by movements of my own. Dancing isn’t it? She smiled at my inexperience on the dance floor, but what she didn’t know is that i had a lifetime of experience in other areas to make up for it.
We danced for hours, losing track of our time, body, and mind. I could not remember a single song I had heard that night. I could tell she felt as if she was in the driver’s seat. I found a devilish grin overtake my face at the thought of this. Oh how I had been here so many times before…
She was different than the other girls. I will have a hard time letting this one go.
I hadn’t yet heard a name, but she didn’t know mine either. We had spent the last 5 hours talking in a different language, body language, and it was clear what we were both saying.
The moon shone when the doors of the nightclub were behind us… still, a word hasn’t left either of our mouths. She follows me to my car and gets in.
Next thing I know we are at her apartment… I never take a woman to my apartment. As soon as I turn back around from closing and locking the door i find her body, as apparent as the sun in a clear, blue sky. The light hits half of her body, as if i was getting a preview. She was the most beautiful sight to ever hit my eyes. For the first time in my life i felt i was in love. Well with her body at least.
We spent a night above the covers… swimming like two fish out of water. Two bodies intermingled so tightly that it felt as if we were one. Hours and hours until finally it was over. I dreamed beautifully that night. Something about a dove over open water…
I awoke, happily seeing she was still asleep. I made my escape, which had became a Sunday morning ritual. As soon as I touched that door knob i felt something so fast that it was inexplicable. It doesn’t matter though, because it was a bullet through the back of my head. Dead I fell to the floor, put to sleep after years of longing for it.
Her name was temptation and i had had my final dance with her.
I am trying not to be too dramatic with it… it is a narrative expressing the main character’s night on the town.
I dont get it?
Does Ron Paul try to be awesome, or is he just naturally that way?
1. Ron Paul doesn’t go the gym. He stays fit by exercising his civil rights.
2. Ron Paul delivers babies without his hands. He simply reads them the Bill of Rights and they crawl out in anticipation of freedom.
3. Ron Paul doesn’t cut taxes. He kills them with his bare hands.
4. Ron Paul took a lie detector test. The lie detector tapped out.
5. When Ron Paul takes a shower, he doesn’t get wet…the water gets Ron Paul.
6. Ron Paul could lead a horse to water AND convince it to drink, but he doesn’t believe the government has the right to so he refuses.
7. Ron Paul’s midi-chlorian level is off the chart.
8. When Chuck Norris gets scared, he goes to Ron Paul.
9. Studies by the World Health Organization show that Ron Paul is the leading cause of freedom among men.
10. Ron Paul makes the U.S. dollar want to be a better currency.
11. Ron Paul CAN believe it’s not butter.
12. Ron Paul doesn’t act like a patriot…a patriot acts like Ron Paul.
13. Ron Paul turned down Superman’s job.
14. In Braveheart, Mel Gibson was supposed to scream “RON PAUL!” however, it was changed to just “Freedom!” for legal purposes.
15. Ron Paul gets high on freedom.
16. Ron Paul wasn’t born, he liberated himself from the womb.
17. The chicken crossed the road to vote for Ron Paul.
18. If you pull Ron Paul’s finger, a band will march by playing Yankee Doodle Dandy.
19. Ron Paul speaks in the universal language of love.
20. Ron Paul has so many morals, he has to pay for two seats on a plane.
21. Ron Paul is like kryptonite to Mitt Romney.
22. Ron Paul is an anagram for “Freedom” (but only he knows how).
23. Chuck Norris voted for Ron Paul in ’88…twice.
24. King Midas shook hands with Ron Paul once. Nothing happened.
25. SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Ron Paul may cause liberty, individualism, peace, prosperity, equality, and may impair tyranny.
26. Ron Paul doesn’t shop at the grocery store – he only eats fruit from the Tree of Liberty.
27. The government tried to steal once. Ron Paul made it sit in time out.
28. Ron Paul can free light from a black hole.
29. Dogs lie down with cats when Ron Paul speaks.
30. When applied directly to the brain, Ron Paul cures socialism.
31. Ron Paul doesn’t write books. The words assemble out of fear.
32. Ron Paul is the reason scientists are working so hard to perfect cloning.
33. Ron Paul was the one who let the dogs out, because they were being held without due process.
34. When fascism goes to sleep at night, it checks under the bed for Ron Paul.
35. Ron Paul can recite pi to 1776 decimal places.
36. Ron Paul can smell government spending a mile away.
37. Ron Paul can kill two birds with one stone, but he doesn’t because he is against violence.
38. Even though all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t do it, Ron Paul put Humpty back together again.
39. Ron Paul’s heart is literally made out of gold. This greatly upsets the Federal Reserve.
40. Ron Paul’s idea of gun control is both hands on the weapon.
41. Ron Paul has no alarm clock, but instead wakes up every morning to the call of freedom.
42. When Ron Paul was married, Thomas Jefferson was his best man.
43. On July 4th, there is a constellation of Ron Paul’s face in the night sky.
44. Ron Paul has been shot at more than a dozen times, but the pro-2nd amendment bullets refuse to harm him.
45. Ron Paul can find Waldo, but he won’t tap any phones or use the Patriot Act to do it.
46. The Ron Paul action figure wouldn’t sell because it didn’t change positions.
47. How can you tell when Ron Paul is telling the truth? His lips are moving.
48. The Founding Fathers didn’t write the Constitution. They predicted what Ron Paul would say in 2012.
49. Apple pie wishes it could be as American as Ron Paul.
50. If he was alive in 1776, Ron Paul’s signature would have been the only one needed to sign the Declaration of Independence.
I really liked number 7, the force is strong in Ron Paul – LOL.
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