Do you like my poems, they were birthed from my heart thanks for reading=]??!?
No sun can melt this blackened ice
Nothing can stop this relentless rain
No hope can fill these deepened cracks
No soul alive can feel my weeping pain
These days of mine aren’t happy days
My mind constantly clouded with fears
I do not ask for riches nor for any praise
Only for love to wipe away my dying tears
My beating heart is like an emptied home
And I am afraid of letting anyone inside
For them to tell me that they really care
Only to find out that they woefully lied
Give Me Life
The yellow and red leaves flowed into the sky
Like porcelain ballerinas onto a light blue stage
The wind touched my dusky skin I did not cry
Yet, your words filled my beating heart with rage
Now these winter days seem bitter freezing cold
No sun for filling my soul with warming glee
Right now this question may seem outright bold
But, when will passionate spring return to me?
I wrote these today at about 2:20 am. I was feeling very down and out. I am very depressed and jsut wanted to write these two poems to cope with those negative feelings. Most of my work is usually me trying to make the poems good and revising and doing all this stuff to it, imagery all that but these are straight from the heart. Hope you liked them.
Life is usually the best inspiration
and you really know how to capture it
ur very gifted : )
What should I do…I don’t like my family.?
My Mom thinks the world of my brother who is 50 years old and their family. My brother does not see my Mother very often with his family. His kids never go see her or think of her. My mother would complain to me about her son’s not coming to visit her. After visiting with her one day…I e-mailed them and told them they needed to make more of an effort and their kids to see her. You never know what tomorrow will bring. They were offended and told me their kid’s only grandmother died tears back … that would be my brother”s wife’s mother. GEES! My mother is legally blind. For the last (25) years of doing most everything for her because my father passed away at age 65 I could not do as much for her because our financial situation changed and I went to work full time. We provided the home where my Mom lived. Which we had to sell and she moved to an apartment which she loves. I thought maybe they could think of her more often…do more for her. My brother thinks he is better than all of his 5 brothers and sisters. He is a snob. He told me some things that would hurt my Mom and I did not tell her for do not want to hurt her. But, in the long run I do not want to go to any family functions if they are there. They make me sick. It would break her heart if I told her what they said about her and our family. I stepped back and decided if I did less they would step up and they did do a little more. In my brother’s Christmas letter all he talked about was how he did all this stuff for my Mom in a copied letter to all the relatives. We all helped my Mom. Now he is her hero and can do no wrong. He seems like such a hipocrit. I wonder sometimes if I am jealous, hurt or what. My mother sometimes brags to me about my brother and all he does and I just say that is wonderful Mom…I am happy he does for her now…but I think she thinks he is her husband figure now…I can suggest something she needs to do and she says No! My brother said to do it this way. WHATEVER???? Now I can do nothing or say anything that is right or have any opinions with her. It is different and I feel sad. Any suggestions. (The funny thing about this my brother agrees that she sides with him and thinks it is ok)
Ignorance is bliss, and it’s always hell for the peacekeepers. Your mom may be happy not knowing the truth, but I’ve always believed in knowing the truth regardless of how painful it might be. It’s not fair to anyone to live a lie, especially when you have to keep track of who can know what. Do you see where it has gotten you so far? You say yourself that nothing you say or do is right. Question is, how happy are you with that?
I’m a firm believer in not hiding the truth about anything. My rule is, don’t ever do or say anything to anyone that you wouldn’t want known to the world. Your brother should be man enough to face up if he isn’t willing to ‘fess up. My second rule is, when your truth is known, don’t blame someone else for your actions.
As a mother, I would hate to think of being “spared” certain truths. I like things out in the open and dealing with them, not being played a fool just because someone doesn’t want to see my feelings hurt.
In your case, your brother has it made. Ask yourself, does he deserve it? I’m not saying you should start a family feud. There are mature, civilized ways of dealing with hypocrites.
Bottom line, put yourself in your mother’s shoes. If you were her, would you want to know the truth, or live on in ignorant bliss?
what do you think of my story so far?
ill take all feedback so i can get better at this.im sorta just writing as i go because with my other story’s when i follow a plan i tend to go off track so im just gonna see where this story goes:
Feli ran down the street of her small, poor village,looking for her friend rimbaa. he was always a good hider but feli always found him.sh jumped up onto the ledge of the blacksmiths fence. she tried to step as lightly as she could and succed. Feli rounded a corner, nearly falling down , and saw the corner of rimbaas head.she gave a huge grin.
“ha i see you rimbaa. i‘ll catch up to you in no time” she rounded another corner and saw a dead end. Feli gave a puzzled look. Rimbaa had disappeared. she looked around. trying to find him when all of a sudden somebody grabed her shoulder. she looked around and saw one of the dark princes gaurds. If you looked into felis eyes …right at this moment you would see horror, terifiying horror. she tried stepping back but the hand gripped onto her shoulder even harder than before. she knew what happened to people that was caught by the gaurds. The got burned to death, tied up to a tree as it burned. this was how her mother died. tears sprang into Felis eyes scared of what would happen next.:
Your story grammatically correct (I think):
Feli ran down the street of her small, poor village, looking for her friend, Rimbaa. He was always a good hider, but Feli always found him. She jumped up onto the ledge of the blacksmith’s fence. She tried to step as lightly as she could and succeeded. Feli rounded a corner, nearly falling down, and saw the corner of Rimbaa’s head. She gave a huge grin.
“Ha, I see you, Rimbaa. I’ll catch up to you in no time.” She rounded another corner and saw a dead end. Feli gave a puzzled look. Rimbaa had disappeared. She looked around, trying to find him, when all of a sudden, somebody grabbed her shoulder. She looked around and saw one of the dark prince’s guards. If you looked into Feli’s eyes . . . Right at this moment you would see horror, terrifying horror. She tried stepping back, but the hand gripped onto her shoulder even harder than before. She knew what happened to people that were caught by the guards. They got burned to death, tied up to a tree as it burned. This was how her mother died. Tears sprang into Feli’s eyes, scared of what would happen next . . .
In my opinion, the sentences were awkwardly worded, and you did not do a very good job explaining the setting, and describing things in general. You really have to work on sentence fluency as well. But I am not an experienced writer myself, so do not take my impression on your writing, for concrete fact.
Also, work on your grammar, punctuation, capitalization etc. Writing takes dedication, and if you practice frequently, you will definitely improve.
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